


Never Be Lost

by overall_sin_and_trash



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Dark Anakin Skywalker, Dark Jedi - Freeform, Dark Obi-Wan Kenobi, M/M, Poor Obi Wan, Rating will go up, Slow Burn, TW: Self Harm, tw: eye horror, tw: rape
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-25
Updated: 2020-09-15
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:34:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24916186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/overall_sin_and_trash/pseuds/overall_sin_and_trash
Summary: Whenever Anakin finds Obi Wan, the Jedi master has been subjected to a terrible torment. Obi Wan suffers the consequences of his actions— deeds that can never be undone.
Relationships: Obi-Wan Kenobi/Anakin Skywalker
Comments: 32
Kudos: 98





	1. Yellow

**Author's Note:**

> “Innocence, Once Lost, Can Never Be Regained. Darkness, Once Gazed Upon, Can Never Be Lost.“ -John Milton, Paradise Lost  
> —  
> PLEASE mind the trigger warnings! :)

It took Anakin a moment to process what he walked in on. He froze entirely in the doorway.

Apparently Obi Wan hadn’t noticed him enter. Or perhaps he was too distraught to care. He was naked— something that Anakin wasn’t unfamiliar with— but curled in a ball on his bed, stifling his sobs into a pillow. He had clearly gotten out of the medbay some time before, judging by the bandaged all over his lean body. One in particular caught Anakin’s eye. It took up a large space on Obi Wan’s back.

“Master?” Anakin said softly, not wanting to frighten the older man.

Obi Wan didn’t hear him.

Anakin walked closer. “Obi Wan?” He said, putting a hand on Obi Wan’s leg.

Obi Wan seized up suddenly, shoving his face deeper in the pillow.

It was then that Anakin saw the blindfold.

“Master, what’s going on?!”

The poor man sobbed harder. “Anakin!” He wailed. “They— they—“ his words became lost to his tears.

Anakin rummaged around the mess of discarded bloodied bandages and a medical gown before he found a small slip of paper that contained a medical report.

“OBI WAN KENOBI

GENERAL

SEX: M

HEIGHT: 5”10’

Patient suffers from significant psychological and physical trauma. Abrasions to the wrists and ankles suggest being tied down. Bruises on knees suggest being forced to kneel. Internal bleeding suggests forced anal penetration. [severe] ocular trauma as well.”

Anakin dropped the paper. He stared in horror at his master, who had stopped wailing but remained crying. “Master, why are you wearing a blindfold?”

“They won’t let me see my eyes.” Obi Wan croaked, his voice broken.

“...why?”

“I—I hurt myself, Anakin.”

“What?!” Anakin cried, forgetting himself for a moment. He calmed. “Why would you do that?”

“I didn’t want to see what I did. Oh, Gods, I didn’t want to see it.”

Anakin knelt beside him on the bed. “Obi Wan, whatever you did, I’m sure it was necessary—“

“I killed them!” Obi Wan shouted as best he could, finally tearing himself away from the pillow. “I slaughtered them like animals! Even the ones who didn’t, who didn’t—“

Now able to see Obi Wan’s face, Anakin’s heart stopped. “Obi Wan.” He breathed. “Why isn’t the blindfold wet?”

“You don’t understand.” Obi Wan whispered, shaking his head. “I had to, my eyes, they were— I had to do it.”

There were angry scars that weren’t hidden by the cloth. They suggested something horrible. “Master, I’m taking the blindfold off.”

“You have to understand, Anakin, please—“ he babbled as the cloth was removed.

What Anakin saw he couldn’t fathom. His head spun as he looked at Obi Wan’s eyes.

Or rather, where his eyes should’ve been.

“Master.” He shuddered. “Why would you do this?”

“They were yellow. Anakin, my eyes... they were yellow. I couldn’t let anyone see.”

“You fell?!” Anakin stood up off the bed. “Obi Wan, What the—“

“Please, please don’t tell anyone, I don’t know what to do, Anakin, please!”

Anakin paused. “I’m not going to tell. I understand. You were angry. And scared. They raped you. You wanted revenge. You wanted to make sure that they never hurt anyone again.”

Obi Wan was quiet for a while, save for his ragged breathing. “Vokara says that they’ll be able to give me cybernetic eyes.” He said softly. “So I’ll be able to see again. I can almost see still, using the force. It just takes a lot of energy.”

It seemed impossible to say the right thing. “Have you spoken to the council?”

The Jedi master tensed. “Yes.” He nodded. “But... they didn’t understand.”

“What? How?”

“Some of the Jedi blame me. They think I should’ve had my guard up at all times. Some think... that I wanted it, or even deserved it.” He curled up tighter. “Killing all those people was not the right thing to do. I know that. I just thought that... I thought the council would be sympathetic.”

Anakin’s blood was boiling. “Kriff the council.” He hissed through gritted teeth. “We don’t need them.”

Apparently Obi Wan disregarded that statement. “I think they’ve already sensed the darkness in me. I’m—“ his voice cracked. “—I’m scared, Anakin.”

Anakin grabbed his best friend’s hands. “Obi Wan, you know I’m always here for you. You know no one loves you the way I do.”

“Yes, of course, what—“

“Run away with me.”

“What?”

“We don’t need the Jedi. They’ve never trusted me, they’ve never approved of how close we are. Run away with me. We can be so much better than this.”

“But, Anakin—“

“The council took Ahsoka from me. I can’t lose you, Obi Wan. I won’t let them take you from me. I will not part from your side.”

Obi Wan managed to look meek. “You’d follow me, even into darkness?”

Anakin nodded grimly. “For you, of course.”

There was a heavy silence. “Okay.” Obi Wan breathed his assent. “Okay, I’ll get my eyes repaired. Then we go.”

“Good. Thank you.”

“Thank me? You’re the one saving me, dear one.”

Anakin stroked his chin. “Well, I suppose I’m always doing that, now aren’t I?”


	2. Kriff the Council

The surgery was a success, however, he was summoned to the council. He intended to ignore this and go find Anakin, but he was quite literally caught by Mace Windu.

“Where are you going, Master Kenobi?” He asked, a poorly hidden edge in his voice.

Obi Wan decided that it’d be best if he didn’t lie— not that he’d tell the full truth. “I wanted to let Anakin know where I’d be.”

“Why wouldn’t you just com him?”

“Well, I much prefer speaking to people directly.”

Mace nodded after a while. “Well, let’s go.” They walked in silence for a few minuets before Mace cleared his throat. “Your surgery was a success, wasn’t it?”

“Luckily so. My eyes weren’t damaged beyond repair, as I had thought.” Both men entered the council room. Obi Wan bowed.

“Fear, there is in you. Have something to hide, do you?”

Obi Wan’s heart lurched. “I’m just dreading my punishment. Nothing more.”

Taking his seat, Mace narrowed his eyes. “Can you explain to us why, in your own words, you decided to put out your eyes?”

He nodded. “I killed many people. I couldn’t look at what I’d done, so I panicked.”

“That seems unlike you.” Mundi said. “The murder and the panic.”

“As you all are aware, I was brutally raped.” Obi Wan looked around at them, his chest tight. “That level of pain and humiliation is easy to invoke vengeful actions.

“What were you wearing?” Mace asked suddenly.

Obi Wan stared with wide eyes. “What?”

Mace repeated himself.

“I— what? I was wearing my tunics.” He couldn’t even believe what he was hearing. “And even if I wasn’t, that wouldn’t excuse rape!”

“Did you say anything to... provoke them?”

Obi Wan couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “You think this is my fault.” He tapped the comlink on his wrist, subtly alerting Anakin for help. “You think I deserved it.”

“We don’t—“

“The fact that you’d even ask me what I was wearing is outrageous. And you know, the first time we all spoke about this, it seemed like you cared more about the dead criminals than my well being.”

Yoda frowned. “Criminals, are they?”

“They raped me!” Obi Wan finally raised his voice. The council seemed taken aback by that. “I thought of you all as my family! I thought you’d understand why I had to do it!”

“Darkness surrounds you.” Yoda said grimly. “Stronger than the light, perhaps. Fallen, have you?”

As if on cue, Anakin walked in.

Mace started to object with “Skywalker, you aren’t supposed to be here” but Obi Wan cut him off by igniting his saber.

“He was right about you.” Obi Wan hissed. “He told me that you wouldn’t care about me.”

Mace grabbed his saber slowly. “Who did, Obi Wan?”

“It doesn’t matter!” Cried the distressed Obi Wan. “You don’t really care anyways!”

“Master, I—“

Obi Wan yanked Anakin over to his side and held his saber against the younger man’s neck. “Here’s what’s about to happen. You’re gonna let me leave. You’ll never see me again. If you try to stop me, I will kill Anakin.”

The council members dropped their sabers and raised your hands. “Where will you go?” One asked.

He laughed. “Why would I ever tell you that?”

“Fair point.” Yoda grumbled.

Obi Wan pushed Anakin into walking, and together they exited the room. Once the door slammed shut, he put his lightsaber back on his belt and grabbed the younger man’s hand. They made eye contact, and understood everything— they took off running as fast as the could.

Anakin was right; Kriff the council.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos make my day!! <3


	3. Escape

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I’ve not been updating this, I just have two other projects right now and I started school again.

They ran and ran and ran until they were outside the temple, relaxing only when they were so deep in the lower levels of Coruscant that they could No longer see any sign of the Jedi Order. Obi Wan all but collapsed in an alleyway, shuddering as he held back angry tears.

“I can’t believe they’d say those things. I don’t— I can’t—“ he held his head in his hands.

Anakin knelt down next to his mentor, looking at him sadly. “The Jedi have always been shady, Master, but you cared about them too much to see it.”

“I should’ve listened to you sooner.” Obi Wan swore, shaking his head. “If I did, I wouldn’t have been... it wouldn’t have happened.”

“Don’t talk like that, or you’ll never stop. Whatever could’ve happened is obsolete, it’s in the past.” Anakin soothed him by hugging him close, something they rarely did.

Obi Wan shuddered. “You don’t think I deserved it...” his tone was both doubtful and hopeful at the same time. “...do you?”

Anakin pulled away to look him in the eyes, frowning. “Master, none of this is your fault.”

“But killing them was wrong.”

“Maybe.” Anakin sighed. “Let me tell you something. When I went back to Tatooine to find my mother... she had been kidnapped by Tusken Raiders. When I went to their camp to save her, she was dying, and she died in my arms. I was so angry, I nearly blacked out. But I know what I did. I killed them all.”

“...but you didn’t fall...?”

“No.”

“And yet I did.” Obi Wan said softly. “What does that say about me?”

Anakin put his hands on his master’s shoulders.“Nothing, Obi Wan. You were taken advantage of. They robbed you of your dignity.”

“...and my virginity.” Obi Wan nearly whispered.

Anakin paled. “Oh, force, Obi Wan. That’s... that’s horrible.”

Obi Wan wiped at his teary eyes. “I had been... you know, saving it for someone special. But...” he trailed off as he began to cry. “What if no one wants me now?”

Shushing him, Anakin pulled Obi Wan back into a hug. “Obi Wan, anyone would be lucky to have a man like you. If they don’t want you because you’re not a virgin, they don’t deserve you at all.”

“I’m sorry.” Obi Wan sniffled. “I think being in tune with the dark side has made me more in touch with my emotions... I’m not used to this.”

“That’s a good thing.” Anakin assured him. “It’s important to feel things.”

“Hey!” A voice shouted.

The two former Jedi looked up confusedly. Anakin glared. “What?”

“He’s that bitch from the holovid!” The man laughed. “Zygerrian’s Jedi whore!”

Obi Wan paled. “I— what?”

The man rolled his eyes. “The holoporn everyone’s talking about. You’re the star of the show.”

Anakin growled as he stood. “That wasn’t a show.”

“Why? Because he didn’t want it?” He mocked. “Maybe he should’ve minded his own business and not tried to interfere with foreign politics.”

Obi Wan stood abruptly, his face twisted into a scowl. “You’re the one who should mind his kriffing business!” He hissed, igniting his saber and pointing it at the man.

The man flinched back but laughed. “Oh? Going to kill me? Isn’t that against the Jedi code?”

Anakin lunged at him and pinned him to the ground.

Obi Wan had his saber pointed between the man’s eyes. “Unfortunately for you,” he pressed forward just enough to singe skin. “We are Jedi no longer.” There was a short scream as the saber surged through his head slowly.

Anakin stood back up and brushed himself off. “Are you okay?”

“He never touched me.”

“That’s not what I’m asking.” Anakin said firmly. “Are you okay?”

Obi Wan nodded slowly. “I will be.” He said. “Let’s get out of here.”

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos make my day! This work will be longer than my normal oneshots, so stay tuned!


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